|
|
TO READ PAGE THREE OF LIVING WITH CANCER HAPPY EASTER (NEW)
LIVING WITH CANCER
HOW I FEEL I'd
like to tell you how I feel inside.
They
say I got a good chance to recover and live.
I
wish I could tell you how I feel inside.
One
day it will be all but said.
Copyright©March 2005 By Eunice E Powe. All Rights Reserved.
LIVING WITH CANCER FROM JANUARY 2005 Putting my feelings into words have been so hard. Even nearly five weeks have past I still cannot cry. I want so much to cry but the tears just won't come. It was such a shock when my sister died six years ago from cancer. Where did it come from? There was no cancer in our family so it was so hard to accept. I closed my mind to it and thought to myself it will not happen to me. Wrong! Oh how wrong I was. Six years later after my sister's death I got my news in January 2005 that I too had breast cancer.
CANCER I
really believed that after surviving five strokes, kidney failure and
various other illnesses that was enough. The last fourteen years have
been very hard but I never gave in. Keep going I would tell myself.
Then towards the end of December 2004 I knocked my breast and felt some
pain. My mind told me to exam myself and do it now. What a shock! A
large lump and suddenly I could hear the word cancer. It was so hard
to believe. Once my daughter verified the lump it was non stop. Because
of my disabilities from the strokes our doctor came to the house. No
time to waste, she returned to surgery and phoned the hospital. Everything
went so fast. In my mind I kept saying it was a cyst so no worry. I
had cysts before and all benigh. First came the mammograme, straight
after my surgeon and another doctor took a scan in which my surgeon
said he was a little worried. So three biospsy were then taken. A week
later I had my bones x-rayed and a week later I had a full body scan.
These two tests can tell the doctor if the cancer is any where in the
body. Another week went by and then the results. My wonderful younger
daughter came with me and every test etc she as been there. We entered
the room and was asked to sit down. The surgeon took my hand and held
my hand untill we said goodbye. He then spoke, " remember I was
a little concerned with the lump, I am sorry but it is what I thought.
CANCER! I went silent and I felt he is not talking to me. I felt I was not in the room, he was talking to someone else and then I heard my daughter crying. The nurse who is now my cancer care nurse, comfort my daughter. I then heard the surgeon saying to my daughter,"don't you worry, your mother is stronger than you think". Why was I not crying, I just could not cry. Now and then the surgeon would move my hand and say "it's you I am talking to, you are the one with the cancer". I just became vacant and numb. I just seem to close down in disbelief. Next came the surgey in Febuary. It was all down to the anesthetist. He had to make sure my heart was strong enough after all the strokes I had. My heart was very strong so I had my operation in Febuary. (I had prayed for my parents to be with me from the spirit world but a wonderful thing happened. Just before they put me to sleep, the theatre nurse came out. She spoke and told me she had to come out to tell me her name was Barbara. If prays are answered this was just the best. My sister's name was Barbara and she let me know she was there for me. I was in no fear at all. I felt at peace.) I woke up in the ward and my husband sitting waiting for me to wake up. I was alive. I won't go in to details as everyones experience is different. You do have to exercise your left arm and moisterise the whole arm every day. as in the operation the main nerve is cut to remove the nodes. the Physiotherapist starts your exercises the day after your operation. It is not hard, a little painful but a small price to pay for being a live. Just under to weeks I went to a convalascent home and had two very restful weeks there. My daughter came to collect me and then to see my surgeon for the results. "come on in Eunice and sit down. How are you? I replied I would feel 100% if you say it is all gone". A few seconds silent and he said "It is all gone". I grabbed his hand and said again,"it is all gone?" "I never tell fibs to my patients with cancer" This time the words came loud and real and I was listening to every word. I could have hugged and kissed him. Then he explained in case one cell escaped to make sure it was all gone he wanted me to have CHEMO. I agreed to every thing as I wanted to live. The echogramme showed my heart to be strong and I can now start my treatment etc. In my case I am to have Chemo, then radiotherapy and homone tablets for five years.
TELLING THE FAMILY. Once my daughter and I entered the house, my husband quite anxious said "Well". My daughter said it's cancer dad. The look on his face as he said "stop messing around". My daughter replied "dad it really is cancer". My husband sank in his chair and became silent. After a while he just looked at me and said he did not know what to do. My husband and daughter took it bad as did my in laws. My eldest son was going through the same thing with his wife. My daughter in law had her breast op a week before me. Poor love she as been fighting cancer 12 years and this was her 9th operaration. I have four children but only my youngest one lives at home and she comes to every appointment and looks after me and her father. My husband changed. All the feelings of anger, why me, tantrums that I should be having, was all happening to him. He took his anger out on me and he just fell apart. My mother in law and the rest of the in laws were great to me. My husband only came to the hospital to see me come out of the operation alive. Once he knew I was ok I think he saw me two times after that untill I came home. My daughter had to put up with his moods etc. He was so afraid of losing me that he went to pieces. My young daughter as worn herself out doing a full time job and having to come home to two ill parents. I only wish I could give her a holiday or whatever as she sure needs a brake. Her brothers and sisters have not once helped or offer to give her a brake. Thats life.
I
still question today why I have not cried or showed anger. Then a dear
friend said to me.
PLease Please exam yourselves regularly. Men and Women at least once a month. Do not say it will never happen to me. Believe me it could and if caught in time you can be like me and say I DID HAVE CANCER. I DO NOT HAVE CANCER NOW.
If you
would like to write to me please click on my name
MY JOURNEY FORWARD. The date today is 26th of April. It as not been a pleasant journey so far but it will get better. My darling daughter as been with me to every appointment. My third Chemo cycle is on the 2nd of May. Cancer is treated in many different ways. I can only tell you about me and my breast cancer. I will be having 8 cyclones. The first 4 cyclones are very strong and you lose all body hair. It's funny being bald. I invited all the neighbours round so the laughs and jokes could all be said and it was great. I can even laugh at my self. I do have a wig but I cannot stand it. I wear a bandana. Its a scarf like a pirate. We had a laugh when I went into buy a sofa bed. My son pushing me in a wheel chair. The look on the three sales men was a picture so I said, "haven't you seen a pirate before", and passed by three very still faces. When we bought the sofa and left the shop. The same three men just stared. To which I said, "It's ok I paid for the goods". I will stop here and let you know more how I get on. Please test yourself regularly. Life is so precious.
Click Here To CONTINUE ON NEXT PAGE
|
